"A Little OCD?" Never Saying That Again

I have recently become aware of the fact that I have OCD. In a big way. It never occurred to me that some things I thought I did just because I was weird were actually part of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. For a long time, I thought that OCD wasn't really an actual problem. I thought it was just something someone uses in conversartion to laugh about being meticulous or particular about something. I was wrong. OCD is an actual condition people have, and is something to be taken seriously. For the past week, I had been wondering if the things I have problems with socially and other odd things I do were a sign of OCD. They are.

I took some different screening tests on various websites, and they all came back that I had moderate to severe OCD. Now I realize that things on the internet cannot always be trusted, and that I probably shouldn't be too bothered by it. However, pretty much ALL of the symptoms listed applied to me. While this was scary, it was also relieving. For the longest time, I thought I was unnormal and that something was just strange about me that no one else has and that wasn't any specific thing. It was good to know that there is actually a reason why I do these things and a name for the condition.

Something I also realized is that OCD is not just about being super organized and picky about things. Becuase if that is all it was, it really would probably not be that serious. However, there is a much bigger picture here. Feeling the need to be even in everything (i.e. constantly evening out your shirt, your food, doing something four times so it feels right.), not being able working with other people, not being able to touch other people, and germaphobia are all things I struggle with on a day to day basis and are also a part of having Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Another intresting thing is that obsessions play a hand in this disorder. This doesn't surprise me at all. OCD follows a pattern of obsessions-anxiety-complusions-relief-obsessions in a circle. People who have OCD use obsessions to deal with anxiety and to bring relief. I don't think this is neccessarily an bad thing, but it definately confirmed by self-diagnosis.

I am considering seeing someone about this, I will be talking to my mom a little more about it. It's dominating my life in so many ways I didn't realize.

On the other hand, this is how God made me, and this is how he wanted me. All I can really do is pray that He would give me self control and contentment and ask Him to take away false fear and let me be at peace.