ANNOUNCEMENT

I have decided that this blog format doesn't really suit my writing purposes. So I have changed to a Tumblr: http://wordsihavespoken.tumblr.com/ I'd really appreciate it if you would check it out.

Thoughts on Sophomore Year

School is in full swing and I am officially in my second year of college. It's really weird not being part of the youngest group on campus, and making friends with freshmen originally was kind of different. Knowing all that I know now about college from last year, I can relate to them, but at the same time, I feel like there is something of a gap because of how much a person grows in their first year of college. I've actually found that a lot of the freshmen are older than me, at least the international students. (I guess I'm on the younger side for my year). Which is sort of strange since I'm still a teenager technically and they are not, but most of the time I feel older.

Sophomore year is definitely harder. I'm taking a full credit load, and am involved in several extra-curricular activities and I have a job on campus, which apparently totals to 67.5 hours a week. Huh. Does not leave much time for sleep or socialization. I feel like this year I am going to have to be a lot more careful about budgeting my time well and efficiently so that I can still hang out with people and do things with my friends. I was really stressed out last week with homework, but I think as long as I keep up and work a little bit ahead to give my self some wiggle room I will be fine.

I've learned these first two weeks that you really have to make plans with your friends if you want to spend quality time with them. Since people are starting to get into their major specific classes and you have less and less classes with your friends, you have to start initiating getting together or it won't happen. I really want to work on this this current semester, and grow close to my friends that I already have. I also want to really commit to a bible study of sorts. I think it is really important to be part of a close community and I wish I had gotten involved in something serious last year. But live and learn. Now I know what is important to me and who is important to me. 

Anyways, I am really looking forward to this year. I hope it doesn't go too fast. I am so excited about the new friends I have made and for the friendships I will strengthen. 

Farewell to Summer

Well summer, it's been great spending time with you, and now it's time to get ready for the new school year. I'm going to start off by saying how shocked I am that I am no longer a first-year student and am starting my second year of college. It scares me, and I wonder if I am spending my time here on Earth purposefully. It really is making me reevaluate my life and how I approach my friends and school.

I am so glad I stayed here on campus for the summer. I really strengthened good friendships, made new friends, and just this past week, got to meet all the incoming first-year international students that come a week early for orientation. It has been so cool getting to know them, and I know for sure next year that I will be a mentor for the new students in 2016. I thought I wasn't extroverted enough to do it this year, but I think that I didn't give myself enough credit. I'm just hanging out with all of them anyway, so I might as well be a mentor, and not to toot my own horn or anything, but I am somewhat of a good leader because leadership skills come with being the first born of a household of 7.

I'm actually a terrible leader, probably

I really feel like God has given me a passion for international students, and I really enjoy being around them, for some reason I can relate more to them than I can to the other American students on campus. They are more friendly, kind, caring for one another, and more seriously about the important stuff, a characteristic I really admire because I like to take school seriously and be diligent.

The fact that I am friends with the international students is sort of funny to me when I compare who I am now to who I was when I first started college. I remember filling out the online housing form before coming to college and selecting that I did not want to room with an international student, thinking that I would not be able to communicate clearly with them and that I wouldn't be helpful to someone from a different country. Little did I know that all of my really close friends would be international and that I was going to feel called to be friends with these awesome people.

God moves in mysterious ways. I know that God wanted me to be at college over the summer, and I have grown in so many ways and have learned to see a lot of things differently for the better. I cannot wait to see what He has in store for me next year and I am so excited to see how His plan unfolds.

War and Peace: A Review of Sorts

I finally finished War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy this past week while I was on vacation. I had been reading it since the end of June, and as a result felt very depressed when I read the last line of the book, and finished what I had been reading for about two months. In short, this book was amazing and you should definitely read it, if you are reading this.

There is so much to be learned from this book, about life, about love, about the purpose of being, and most simple, about the human mind and its ways. It is, obviously, the deepest and most thought-provoking novel I have ever read, and I recommend it to anyone. It is well worth your time, despite the 1200+ pages of the vast novel.

The main characters are phenomenally crafted and created, you get a special feeling for them, you become attached to them as if they are indeed real and living right before your eyes. Even though I did not understand the strategies of battle (the book is set during the Napoleon war), I was able to clearly understand what was going on and why is was important from Tolstoy's descriptive writing.

I am not writing a plot summary here. I believe that would spoil the book, which is massively long. However, you will fall in love with the characters stories and themselves, and I will say this; my favorite character is Prince Andrei for his brilliant and final understanding of life and love. This quote pretty much sums up what I love about him:

“Love is life. All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love. Everything is, everything exists, only because I love. Everything is united by it alone. Love is God, and to die means that I, a particle of love, shall return to the general and eternal source.”

This struck me as being quite profound, as well as this quote spoken by Pierre, the main character:

"Life is everything. Life is God. Everything shifts and moves, and this movement is God. And while there is life, there is delight in the self-awareness of the divinity. To love life is to love God. The hardest and most blissful thing is to love this life in one's suffering, in the guiltlessness of suffering."

There are not enough words to describe how much I loved this book. Just read it, it is quite the accomplishment, and it will teach you many things.

I'm also quite excited for the new BBC miniseries coming out late this year, starring James Norton as Prince Andrei:

I'm Ashamed to be White

I see news stories on the television of white cops beating innocent black people. I see people around me at college complain how they would get more financial aid if they were from an asian country. I see people on my Tumblr dash white washing Korean actors, thinking to be "white" is the epitome of beauty. I watch books made into movies where the directors have cast white actors in roles that were intended for someone of a different skin color. And I am ashamed to be white.

I see little children avoid kids with darker skin as if they were not human. I hear my grandfather talk about how "black people" are less intelligent, and watch my acquaintances look down on others that do not share their nationality. I hear my friends stereotype others of different color. And I am ashamed to be white.

I look at myself, and how I have lived in America all my life, this "free" country. I look at my white skin and blonde hair, wishing I was someone else. I am told that I am "privileged". But I am ashamed to be white.

I feel ashamed. I hate my skin color and what it stands for. I feel that I am trash, but then I remember. I am not a cop beating innocent people. I do not blame my lack of funds on international preference in college. I do not white wash or wish for actors to be whitewashed. I do not purposely wish people to be a different skin color. Yes, I am white, but that is my skin color.

I do not avoid people because they are not white. I believe that all people are capable of being intelligent, and I love people from around the world. I try not to stereotype anyone, and I attempt to appreciate a person for who they are, not their nationality. Yes, I am white, but that is my skin color.

I am not worth less than people of color. White is my color. I am not privileged. I am not racist. And I am not ashamed.

I Choose You! Choosing Your Friendships for Life

Friendships define us, and they help us discover who we are, and our purpose in life. I am the kind of person that likes to make friendships for life, a lot of the friends I have now at college I hope to be friends with long term, and I invest more time in my college friends due to distance and the amount of time we spend together.When I started college, I came in with the mindset that I needed to be friends with everyone, and that I needed to be friends with anyone. Coming from a home-schooled household, I was not used to being around a lot of people, and did not realize that I do not need to and should not attempt to befriend everyone. I have come to realize this now. The fact is, that you need to choose your friends because they will influence you for life, either positively or negatively. I have learned that I cannot be friends with just anyone.

Unfortunately this is the case. Not everyone likes everyone.

I have encountered a person, (I am referring to as K) that I choose not to encounter, but run in to a lot because they are on campus for the summer, that I do not want to be friends with anymore. After some drama spring semester and in May when K confronted me and told me that he knew that I didn't like him, (asking why I didn't) I have sought to avoid this person, and began to notice a lot of things about him that I did not like and found ways in which K annoyed me constantly. So much so, that I began to obsess over him, constantly thinking about him and why he annoyed me. I felt the need to excuse myself all the time for not liking K, thinking that I didn't "not like" him for the right reasons, such as looks, manners, etc. I now avoid him, because the more I am around him the more I think about him, and I need to move on from this situation, because he does NOT control my life, and I am letting K do that.

No one is the boss of me      expect God

I talked with my mom about this situation on Thursday of last week. She made me realize that I do have to choose my friends and that I had misplaced K in my "friends spectrum". She drew on the back of her napkin a little dot, which was me, and then drew rings around me. "This ring," (referring to the one closest to me), "is your close friends, this outer ring is your other friends, and this largest outer ring is your acquaintances. When you found out K liked you, you tried thinking about him in this circle", (pointing to the one closest to me), when in reality he is in your acquaintance circle. You need to put him back out here", she said, pointing to the outermost circle.

What I want to say to K, but instead I'm passive aggressive about it

I quickly realized that she was right, and I needed to put K in perspective. I came to see from this experience that I wasn't careful in building friendships, and as a result, had put myself into a difficult and extremely annoying situation. Last semester I thought I needed to try to make new friends outside of the ones I had, and failed to understand that I should value the relationship that I already had. I neglected the relationships that really mattered the most to me, and tried to form closer relationships with people I realize now were not making me a better person. I did not feel edified from being in their company, they did not make me understand myself or help me become a better person. And I knew that I didn't "click" with them, there was no initial attraction or desire to personally be their friends.

Like, I've found myself quite bored with them, frankly

It was after spring semester that I realized that it is necessary to a certain degree, that you choose your friends. You need friends who are going to make you a better person and help you in your walk with the Lord. Your friends should be encouraging your to do the right thing, and to glorify God in your life, and you should, to a certain degree, be able to set good examples for eachother and help eachother to make good choices.

"Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals."" - 1 Corinthians 15:33

 "Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man" - Proverbs 22:24

"Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another."  - Proverbs 27:17

Aside from the Christian standpoint, Forbes actually published an article on reasons why you should choose your friends, and I thought that they were good guidelines. They are as follows:

1. Strong willed friends can help you increase your self-control
2. Having fewer friends increases the likelihood that you will take financial risks. (studies show that people that don't get adequate social interaction tend to unnecessarily spend money)
3. Too many connections on social media can increase your stress level
4. Close friends may be the secret to long life (personally I thought this one was a little silly, but apparently studies show that people with really good close friends live longer)
5. Friends greatly influence your choices

(If you want to read the full article click here)

Basically, your friendships and relationships with people matter a lot. So we should take precautions and be aware of who we are spending most of our time with, and who we confide in the most.

Have an awesome day! And appreciate your good friends.

Why I am for Divorce

Until coming to college, I hadn't realized that people's opinions could vary so greatly. I knew that people were different and therefore thought differently from things of course, but it hadn't really clicked in my head that people could disagree to the point of heated discussion, and I didn't realize that I could get so upset about someone disagreeing with me on a topic that I think to be elementary. I suppose I kind of was shocked when I started school because I grew up homeschooled and did not have much exposure to different kinds of people and beliefs, and as with any child, before you form your own beliefs you first accept those of your parents, or people who look after you. I didn't start forming my own opinions strongly or realizing that I thought differently from others until college.

Recently this summer I have been exposed to several opinions of others on apparently controversial topics that I disagree with, one of them being divorce. A person who I do not wish to spend company with recently told me with a definite tone of voice that there are very few reasons for divorce. He backed himself up with bible verses. Or, rather, he said that he disagreed with divorce because of "biblical reasons".

"To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife." - 1 Corinthians 7:10-11

"31 "It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.'

32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery." - Matthew 5:31-32

"He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”"- Matthew 19:3-12

Obviously from these passages, divorce is not ideal, and it is not what God wants. I am struggling with this topic, and I refuse to believe that what these passages are ultimately saying is that divorce is only "acceptable" when it is dealing with adultery. I have several reasons for this:

1. I CANNOT believe that God intends for someone divorced to never remarry. How does this match the character of God? So he wants us to remain unhappy for the rest of our lives, being bound by someone who does NOT honor God?

2. I CANNOT believe that God intends for us to stay with a spouse who is abusive in verbal and physical situations and appears to have no true desire to change/is not changing.

3. I REFUSE to believe that God wants us to stay with someone at the expense of others, when there is no love or God - honoring relationship. i.e children.

4. I CANNOT believe that adultery is the only reason for divorce.

This does not match the character of God. Why would he want us to stay in a relationship that isn't honoring him? Now, I am not saying that divorce should be taken lightly and seen as an "easy" escape from problems in a relationship. But if both you and the spouse have tried to solve your problem to no avail, or your spouse sees no need for remedy. IT IS TIME for a divorce. The marriage is no longer a marriage, because you are not keeping your covenant to one another, and as a result, your marriage is no longer honoring God the way marriage is supposed to.

This is what I currently believe on this topic. I will continue to pray about my opinion and ask God for answers, and to pray for my mother, who is trapped in a marriage with someone who dishonors God with seemingly everything he does, and is constantly hurting my family.

War and Peace: I attempt to conquer a masterpiece

Sometime shortly before last week I began reading Leo Tolstoy's book, War and Peace. I was looking for books to read at the desk this summer while working, and found this title on a summer reading list. I did not know what I was getting myself into. This book is some 1250 pages long, and follows the lives a few young people during the Napoleon era. I am about a fourth of the way through the book, and since I have started it, I wondered if I would give up on attempting to make this book #9 of the summer, but I have decided to stay with it. I got caught up in the story lines of the characters, and am much looking forward to seeing how the rest of the plot turns out.



It's not an "easy read", however, I am finding it easier than people have told me about it, everyone who sees me reading this book thinks I am crazy for picking this book as a summer reading. I am finding that I am a bit confused with the book at some points since Leo Tolstoy calls the same character by like 5 different names, leaving me something like this:

Me when a Count in the book has like 6 names

But I am enjoying reading it and am hoping to finish it my the end of this month. We will see how this goes. I am a person who likes to finish what they start, so I know I will finish War and Peace, if I finish it in the time frame I have given myself is a totally different thing.

God Made Me Special

Since starting college, I have grown greatly in my understanding of self confidence, and have come to understand that it is important to maintain a healthy sense of self pride and confidence, and that I am not created to be critical of myself constantly. I still have a huge problem with this. I become obsessed with what others think of me, and I believe that I look awkward and weird to others, so I am constantly preoccupied with what other people see when they look at me and what conclusions they come to about me when I spend time with them. It takes me a long time to trust people, and when I am in a group of new people or people I do not know very well, I am extremely nervous and do not know how to react.

I'm terrible at public speaking

Perhaps this is something that everyone struggles with, but I feel like I have more of a problem with this than others. I always feel sort of trapped because I do not think that my physical appearance is up to par and I am constantly measuring myself and comparing myself to others. I have a severe problem with acne, probably because I touch my face too much, with rock-bottoms any self esteem I might have, especially around others. I feel that I can never look pretty because of my skin problems and the fact that I'm slightly overweight and really short. I do realize that if I didn't have this skin problem I'd probably find something else to complain about, but it's hard to face myself in the mirror sometimes, and I never feel good looking or confident about my appearance.

I've never had a boyfriend, I seem to attract the kind of guy that I'm not attracted to, so I always end up getting disappointed or hurt or wondering if maybe I'm wrong for not liking the guy that likes me. I wonder if maybe my standards are too high, because I am not that great of a person to begin with. What if I am expecting to be with someone who is actually above me in looks and personality? What if I am no better than these people who like me that I don't find attractive and that is my problem? Am I actually too proud, or just stupid. Who knows.

I know that God has a plan for me, and I can do things. But I fight this. I made the Dean's List this past year and had all A's and one B this past semester, making my GPA about a 3.8 out of 4.0 overall. But I felt guilty about it, saying that I just had easy classes, and that was the reason why my grades were good. While my classes might have been easy, that does not mean that I didn't earn what I got. I immediately discredit myself when I accomplish something, excusing it away by some ridiculous circumstance. Why do I do this? Isn't God glorified when I do well and when I use the abilities he gave me? This is a daily struggle I deal with and one that I am afraid I will never conquer in my lifetime.

Me whenever I try to do something and look smart

I'm deadly afraid of social interaction with people I'm nervous around. I avoid I guy that I know likes me, even though I have already told him that I do not feel that way. I know that they worst that can happen is that I will tell him I don't like him, again, but I still feel the need to avoid him in every way possible. I stress out about being in a situation alone with a guy friend, or a person that I do not know well, because I don't know what to say. I'm afraid of interaction with the opposite sex, I can't just relax and be friends because I'm afraid of coming off as flirty.

I never know what to say, and what I do say sounds dumb

I hate myself but at the same time love myself for my interests. For the longest time I hid from people that I liked Korean music, K-drama, and anime, because I thought they would judge me for it, or think that I was someone who has some sort of fetish for Asians. Only recently have I been able to tell people my interests without waiting for judgement that usually doesn't come. But I love that I like these things. The fact that I like a variety of eccentric interests is what makes me me. But I was afraid of letting people see that side of me and hid, and prevented myself from potentially making friends because I seemed to have no personality.

I have no idea where this is from but it's cute

I've been turned off to being a nerd recently because I don't want to be labeled as someone who has problems with social interaction. Even though I've been told that I don't have said problems, I still feel that I do, and in that, I'm not trusting my friends, and my mother. I felt hurt that people wanted me to be with a guy that I felt had very poor social skills, and is very much a nerd, (also in my major) and I wondered if I was the same (level) as him. I thought this even though I was told the opposite. Why was I so afraid of this? Because this is something I am always insecure about. I've been told by others that I am fun to be around, I look like someone anyone could talk to, and seem mature. But I refuse to believe this, and continue to judge myself and others, wrongly.

I am who I am. God made me to be this person with these interests, worldviews, and friends. He gave me my love for reading, k-pop, and Doctor Who, but he also gave me His love, His Word, and the love of my mother and my friends. He gave me a passion and an interest in different cultures and getting to know the international students here on my college campus, and he gave me a love for technology, and the skills. This is who God made me to be, and it is my duty to accept who I am, and accept others and glorify God by loving them. Each person is different, and I found myself relying too much on stereotypes instead of seeing people and myself as individuals. Who cares if the people in my computer science major have a reputation and the stereotype of being bad at social interaction. I KNOW deep down I do not, because I have been told so by many people who love me and would not lie to me. So I can go forth, with courage, to become the person God plans for me to be.

"Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised." 
(Hebrews 10:35-36 - ESV)

After this long post, I have decided that my only fault is my addiction to coffee

Reply 1997 Review

I finished Reply 1997 last week, I must confess it took me less than 9 days to finish this Korean drama. I am not proud to admit that I have been spending most of my free time after work watching Korean drama, but hey, I won't have time during the school year to watch anything so I might as well enjoy it while I can.
 
(Possible spoilers ahead)

I loved Reply 1997 - it didn't follow the typical Korean drama recipe - the main guy isn't a rich snob who hates everyone and then falls in love with the poor girl. I have to say that this drama is probably one of my favorite Korean dramas so far, because it is unique, and all the characters had so much development through the show, and were relatable to me. The show felt like it could have been an actual real-life story.

It made me laugh so hard, sometimes I wondered what my roommate thinks of me - ah well, she's knows I'm weird just from the fact that I watch Korean drama. While there were times the show frustrated the heck out of me, it had a very satisfying ending, and a good rap up for all of the lives of the different characters in the story. I fell in love with the side characters, ( the dad was probably my favorite, he's hilarious) and the 90's heavy atmosphere of the show. All of those old phones, haha.

Its an awesome show about growing up and discovering what it means to be yourself, while maturing and learning about love. It's also a show about how important friendships are, and what it means to be a good friend. In short, I loved this show so much, and recommend it to everyone.

I Have a Bad Attitude, But I Don't Want to Change

First, let me get this out there; this post is not intended to hurt or offend anyone in anyway, and seeing as the person I am about to write about is not going to read this blog, and I am not going to refer to them by their name, this should be relatively safe. This is me ranting about a person in my life that is stressing me out and that I am having a bad and unChristian attitude towards. Someone has been annoying me for a while, and I need to get over it and move on, and the problem is, I'm not. Like, I think about how annoying this person is a lot, and I don't want to be around them, and have started going out of my way to avoid said person.

Last semester, I had liked a guy in one of my friend groups that I thought was really cool and I admired his respect for others and his self confidence. Unfortunately he didn't feel the same way about me and therefore, when my friend told him I liked him, awkwardness ensued. At the same time, there was another guy that apparently liked me, and so I found out about that at the same time. I do not like this person. I never saw him that way at all. I don't find him attractive, and I don't like how he doesn't pick up on social queues. He found out I didn't like him, and we had a "conversation" where he confronted me on this. However, after relaying my feelings, he still seemed to follow me around everywhere. He was at every meal, and always had something to say to me. He even interrupted my conversations with other people to tell me something.

I started to get very annoyed with him. I found my self feeling very uncomfortable whenever he was in the room or talking to my friends, and I wanted to hide from him. Soon I realized that he was controlling me, or rather, I was letting him control me. So I outright ignored him. It took him a while to get the hint, and even now, I feel like he still thinks that I will like him at some point.

For a while, I felt really guilty for ignoring him, and I still do to a certain degree. We were friends, and I felt bad that our friendship was kind of ended because of that. I thought maybe we could go back to the way we were before this happened, but am seeing now that this is not going to be the case. I notice more and more things that I do not like about him, or that annoy me. And I'm starting to wonder if I have a hate problem. It's gotten to the point where literally everything he says annoys me in some way. At meals, I feel like he says certain things especially loudly just so I can here them or something.

I'm having an extremely bad attitude. I don't like the way he talks about himself being white and not getting as much scholarship money because of it. I hate that he seems to think he is better than everyone else because he is working for IT over the summer. I hate the way he talks about my interest (in what he refers to) in "asian things". I hate the way he talks about his lesbian sister, in a way that seems that she is less of a person. I feel like he complains about everything to some degree, I heard him criticizing someone's use of a tent outside the dorm building (which I happen to know for a fact is my friend's tent) and I'm just so annoyed.

I seem to have an obsession with being annoyed with him and thinking about how annoying it is. Sometimes I feel the need to explain to myself why I don't like him, or tell myself I don't. Which is weird and confusing to me because I am not attracted to him at all, I think I'm feeling desperate because I haven't ever had a boyfriend, and was turned down by the person I liked. I also got the impression that people wanted me to date this annoying person, and that made me feel like I made the wrong decision. But the thing is, I cannot make a wrong decision. If I don't like him, I don't like him, and it's not going to change. But why do I think about how annoyed I am with him all the time? I feel the need to complain all the time, and it's really irritating and wrong.

The thing is, my attitude is wrong, I know that, and the way I'm thinking is wrong. But I don't know what to do about this situation, and I'm sick of dealing with it. I feel like it's controlling my summer and I want it to end.

A Review of Sorts: Cybersecurity and Cyber War

Book 7 of the summer! I really liked this book. I picked it up as more of an informal read, mainly because I wanted to read something related to my (hopefully) future job field. While it probably took me longer to read than most books due to its more wordy content, I found it to be very insightful about the world of the internet we live in. It was a good reminder of how easily our information can be at risk in the cyber world, and also clarified some generalizations often made about the nature of hacking and whistleblowers when it comes to releasing content online.

I thought that the authors spent a little too much time talking about the political side of cybersecurity, but I recognize that this part is important when talking about cyber war as a whole. It is interesting to note the reason the authors give for the government not being able to attract talented enough employees for the Department of Homeland Security; often times the people who have the abilities are basement hackers who do not want to work for the government or even go to college at all.

A point the authors make that stood out to me the most was his way of explaining how the internet is at risk; if we as individuals do not make a practice of securing our personal computers and accounts, we are making the internet as a whole an unsafe place for everyone. It isn't just about making sure your own content is secure in order to browse online safely, security on the internet relies on everyone doing their own parts. This is not something I had ever considered before, but it makes complete sense. If your computer is hacked, then it is giving the hacker more information and content from you, and also, if they are seeking to build a botnet (a montage of connected computers used to retrieve information for a malicious purpose), then it is helping the hacker succeed in attacking more victims.

I recommend this book to anyone who is interested in internet security or is concerned about their online presence and wants to understand the hacking world. Even if you don't read the book cover to cover like I did, just reading sections of it could prove very useful.

A Most Exciting 100th Post

Post #100, you guys. It's hard to believe that I've written that many times on this blog, considering how often I am saying that I don't post enough. From this extremely thrilling first blog post, I have come a long way. I'm glad I started this blog, it is a way for me to write about my silly obsessions or my ridiculous thoughts that I'd rather not talk to people in person about. Although I'm sure not many people read what I write, it is always cool for me to think about the fact that it is somewhere on the internet for people to read.

I don't really have anything super eventful to report about in this post. My life is pretty mundane, I go to work everyday, and I don't get off campus much. I want to do more, but I know that when the school year starts up again I will be busy with homework and people, so I should enjoy the time I have right now. I just finished You're Beautiful (So long, Tae-kyung) and started Answer Me 1997 (which may turn out to be one of my favorites, but I don't know yet, only on episode 7). I'm trying to find a good new manga to read, but I feel like I've read all the good ones, so I'm quite lost. All well. I'm currently reading a book on cyber-security that is interesting, but I want it to be over so I can read something else, it's just taking me way too long.

I visited my grandparents at my aunts house on Saturday for a few hours, it was good to see them but I felt out of place, and ended up sitting most of the time on my phone. (even though I didn't have internet). I know they were judging me, but they could talk to me instead of arguing with eachother about what we are going to eat on vacation. (Which is starting to scare me now, what am I getting myself into going on vacation with my extended family. I'll probably shut myself away with my macbook and sign in to drama-fever.) Ah well. No one's perfect.

I've started to attend a small little bible study some people put together on campus, and I'm really glad I did. It helps me set aside time for Christian fellowship and discussion of God's word, something that I don't normally get over the summer outside of church since everyone is gone from campus. I've had more time to read my Bible lately since a lot of work is spent sitting at the circulation desk at the library. So it's been fun and encouraging.

Well, that's all I got for today, time to go shelve some books.

No One Understands My Music

Hipster problem #1. You try to get people into your music, but it just doesn't work. They don't appreciate the thoughtful sweet lyrics, or the cool dance moves, or the way the words roll of the tongues of the singers. No one understands your taste in music, and they give you weird glances when you are caught (attempting) to sing along to lyrics that you cannot pronounce even remotely correctly, confirming your belief.

Perhaps I am. Then again, who isn't, anyway.

I've been branching out with my kpop recently, I used to only listen to Super Junior and Exo, and I've discovered there are a lot of other good bands out there. Here are two of my currently favorites:

Sometimes I wish I hadn't discovered Ring Ding Dong, it's continually stuck in my head.
I've also started to get into indie Korean music, which I really enjoy, it's so chill.

Anyway, that's all for today.

I Jump (Willingly) Back Into the Black Hole of K-Drama

Life is pretty regulated with my time working at the library, I like following a specific schedule but sometimes it can be a bit tedious. I had originally planned to relearn Algebra this summer, but I am finding that my brain is too dead after work and dinner to be able to handle that. Thus, I've started using my evenings very productively: watching K-dramas. Oh well. Sorry not sorry.

I had stopped watching Korean dramas because my school life was too busy, but I got Dramafever premium when they were offering a 50% discount and now I'm hooked again. I've loved these dramas since the day I discovered them; they are shorter than other TV shows, tend to have better plots, and usually have fantastic music. It's gotten to the point where I no longer feel like watching American movies or TV shows. I try, but I always end up on DramaFever anyway. Oh well. I'll stick to K-dramas until Season 9 of Doctor Who and Season 4 of Sherlock come out.

I'm currently watching Your Beautiful, (I'm on episode 9), and I love it for making me laugh. I was expecting it to be pretty much the same as To the Beautiful You, but was pleasantly surprised when it wasn't. I'm excited to finish the series. (I probably will this week) I actually am finding myself cheering for the secondary guy character, which is unusual. (I'm pretty sure she ends up with Taekyang, but a girl can dream)

Anyway, yup, I have once more succumbed to the world of Korean drama, and I refuse to be ashamed.

That smile though...

Summer Shenanigans

Summer has been pretty uneventful so far. The campus in general is pretty quiet unless there is a big conference, and all of the summer employees have gotten into the regular schedule of things. I work at the library 8am - 5pm with one other person, so I've been getting alot of reading done, and hopefully I will be able to churn out some blog posts on a more regular schedule.

It has been pretty fun to meet some new people and deepen relationships with people on campus for the summer. A few of my international student friends are working on campus as well, so I have been thankful to God that I have friends with me this summer. Otherwise, it would be pretty rough. I'm also getting to know some new people, and I'm excited to see where God leads these new relationships. I get along really well with my coworker, so that's another thing to be thankful for this summer.

In some ways summer has been really awesome, and in others it has been quite a disappointment. While I like living on my own on campus and hanging out with friends, I haven't been able to get to or accomplish some personal goals that I have. I really wanted to work out everyday or at least several times a week, but the gym is only open during meal times, and it is too dark early in the morning to get up and walk. Also, I really wanted to improve my math skills over the summer, but I haven't been able to do that at the desk, and I am really mentally exhausted at the end of the day. However, I have a lot of time to read, and for that I am glad. I'm hopefully going to buy my books for the fall in early July, so I'm excited for that as well. Although it's going to cost me a fortune. (and my firstborn child)

The guy-drama I had early in the year seems to be gone, although the person involved on campus for the summer has moments where he ticks me off. But I'm learning to take that with grace, and get over it.

Overall, the summer has been pretty good, I've been sort of busy and reading alot and spending some quality time with friends. It's day 31, and I'm looking forward to seeing what God has in store for the rest of the summer.

4 Things I Learned My Freshman Year of College

Just like that, my first year at college ended,  and now I am working full-time at my college library. I have quite a bit of time to think about things and read books while working the desk (the college is obviously not very busy during the summer months), so I decided to do a post about some things I found important and learned my first year of my college career.

1. Attend all your classes

This past year, the only time I skipped a class was to make it to work on a day the college was following a 2-hour delay schedule. Believe me, I thought about skipping class so many times. Having 8 Am's everyday is extremely hard. To keep myself in the right mindset, I reminded myself of how I was paying to get my college education, which meant I was not using what I bought if I were to skip class. So go to class! Your professor appreciates it, you are making good use of your money, and it will positively impact your participation grade.

2. A perfect match is not always best

While finding people with similar interests is a great way to make friends, don't limit yourself to people who share your exact interests. Sometimes being friends with people who share slightly different mindsets or have different views on things can be an excellent growing experience, and you may form a bond with those kinds of people when you each respect the others opinions. For example, I made a few friends whose theology beliefs at times vastly different from mine. This has helped me to be more open-minded as well as become strong in what I personally believe.

3. There will be drama


When a bunch of people around the same age live together in close quarters, there will be drama. No one in the world agrees on everything, and therefore conflict is due to arise when you spend all your time 24/7 with the same people. Many will tell you that if you make the right friends, you can avoid drama. The truth is, you can't. Instead, learn that it will come at some point, and be sure to be mentally prepared when it does. Keeping an open, gracious mind, is one of the most important things to remember when troublesome situations arise, and it is a skill that I wish that I had improved more upon before starting my college career.

4.  Sleep is more important than studying


I know, crazy concept. But the truth, nonetheless. Many studies have proven that your brain functions much better when your body gets an adequate amount of sleep. Cramming is not the way to go, although the temptation to pull an all-nighter before a big exam may be strong. Instead of cramming late at night, get a good night's sleep. You will do better on your exam for it.

Alright! These are some things that I believe are very important to know in order to succeed at college. I hope that this helps any future college attendees or serves as a good reminder for current students.
 

Book 2/50 Thriving At College

Ok, so I made this goal (that I thought) was realistic to read 50 books this year. So far I've read two. We shall see how this goes.

Today I finished perhaps one of the most helpful books I have ever read, Thriving At College. Written by Alex Chediak, this book is written to help the Christian college student navigate the academic life. It is divided into "Mistakes" as chapters and deals with the subjects of making your faith your own, keeping an organized lifestyle, and how to make the most of your academic career. I'd recommend this book to anyone - and I wish I had read it before I completed my freshman year.

Thriving At College focuses a lot on how to have a balanced life, which is something I tend to have a hard time doing. Besides that, this book also gives the reader tips on studying. It had never occurred to me until reading this book that I should be studying consistently year-round, not just when I have an exam. This is something I plan to change next year, and I am excited to see how it will change how I perform in my classes. Chediak also touches quite a few important topics of relationships, and how the way you choose friends is very detrimental to your character. You become who you hang out with, he says, and I think that is an excellent point.

This book changed how I viewed my academic career and helped me realize how important it is to set a decent schedule for myself and to budget my time wisely. I definitely suggest that every freshman read this book before starting college, or while attending, it can greatly benefit your life.

Say Geronimo

I am quite nearly 1/4 of the way through college. I realized this while talking to a friend yesterday about when we were leaving campus (nor not leaving campus in my case) after our final exams. Yes, finals week is upon me and the last two weeks have been nothing but stress and drama. Upon coming to college, I assumed that the general population would be significantly more mature than my youth group friends but upon approaching spring semester, I soon realized that is not true. Evidently my expectations for my peers were way too high.

Presumptuous or not of me, I have been a little surprised at the reaction of people older than myself to relationship problems and have been shocked at the lack of discretion some people seem to have. Currently, I am going through a little bit of heartbreak due to a situation with a guy, and apparently a friend has spread the word like wildfire, with intentions still unknown. This surprised me because I am not used to having to explain that something like a relationship problem is best left quiet. I have always assumed that this is common curtesy. How wrong I was, and it has led to a number of rant sessions and tears on my part as a result.

After going through a period of struggling with going back to secluding myself from my friends because of the guy situation, I soon realized that I was letting everyone control me. I am my own person, I am not defined by my quietness or my heartbreak. Letting people speak for me is ending this year. Basically, I'm done. I'm jumping off the high end of my college career and being me for once in my life. I realized that I am free to have the friends I want, dress the way I want, and I am free to like whomever I want. So say "Geronimo", because I have passed the point of essentially, caring. (The song by Sheppard has been my anthem this week). I'm done caring about what others think, God has called me to be myself.

Probability and Stress

A famous person (or not) once said, "Don't count your chickens before they are hatched.") This person, (famous or not) knew a secret about life. This week I discovered that I would not be able to choose where I am going to live next year for school. Apparently all of the rooms have been filled up and my roommate and I have been moved to what is referred to as a "waiting list". Needless to say, this is quite stressful and very annoying to the average person (me), who does not have much patience and tolerance for this sort of seemingly unfair treatment of first-year college students.

This has required me to do a lot of praying, and also learn that God does not answer us exactly when we want with exactly what we want. He always has a plan, wether or not we can see that at the time of the trouble we are going through. As of now, I do not currently have a place assigned for me to live next school year. But I know that God will figure it out all for me, I have done all that I can and it is in God's hands, not mine.

It also has been a week of learning humbleness and trusting other people, and of discovering what it means to truly start to "like" someone and care about a particular person. I have learned what it is like to be jealous, to realize why I am jealous, and to keep my attitude in check. I have learned that I care too much about probability and exact results than I do about what is right, which is an aspect of my thinking that I need to change. I have also learned a lot about communication with guys, but that is a story for another post.

Life of an Runescape Gamer Part 1

So I decided to take up Runescape again on a whim over break, and since I didn't remember my old account, I created a new one. This post will be to start it off and show you on the character I'm working on.

I give you (drum roll please) Haraoke. (yep that's a name I made up all by myself.

I'd like to say now that the stuff I post will be with the mindset that the person reading already understands Runescape. I apologize in advance.

Current skill set on the right. Yes, I'm non-members because I'm poor.

Alright that's all for today (sorry this post was so short)

3 Things I Learned Halfway Through Spring Semester

I cannot believe how much I have grown since starting college - it has been an amazing adventure so far. So, in the format of a previous post, I want to share with you what more I have learned halfway through my second semester of college.

1) Other people can be shy too.

I used to think that I was the problem because I am shy and everyone else seemed to be extroverted. I thought this was why I seemed to have trouble making friends. Truth is, a lot of people are shy and they just have different ways of showing it. For myself, I just have to get past thinking about what other people think and just be me; after all, why do you want to be friends with people who don't accept you for you?

2) Participation matters.

If you can, try to answer as many questions in class as you are able. A lot of professors have a "participation grade" as part of your assignments/final grades. It also helps your professor to put a name to your face. When he or she is grading your exam, he may be more likely to take off points simply because you participate more than others and he "knows" you. My mom gave me this tip, and it has helped me alot (I got the highest participation grade in my Marketing Principles class). It's awkward for professors to have students that don't answer any questions, so they appreciate your input.

3) Try new things

New things may be scary at first, but if you don't try them, you'll never know what you're missing. Who knows, you may end up loving your school's marketing club or enjoying the company of fellow nerds in an anime club. If you don't put yourself out there, you won't learn. Often you can drop out of things if you don't like them, so don't feel obligated to commit to anything your first year of college and try out things, finding what you like. If you have space, take classes that aren't in your major, but interest you. You are here to learn, and that is not merely limited to your major.

Ok that's all for now. As you probably have figured out, I prefer to write short blog posts, because as a reader I prefer to read shorter blog posts.

Have a fantastic swanky day. (Or not.)

Late Library Dates

If you asked me where I spent most of my time this week I'd have to answer

I live there. Apparently I signed myself up for two closing shifts at the library this semester, I have no idea how I was not aware that I did this, but anyway the point is that I am working at the library 9pm-12am Wednesday and Thursday every week. With 8am classes everyday. Like I said, no idea what I was thinking or why I ended up with these shifts.

Yesterday I spent 11 1/2 hours total at the library: 10-12:30pm studying, then I worked 3-7, waited two hours and then worked 9-12. Basically this place is my home.

< Picture of my library.

I really love the library, so I don't have a problem really, except for that I need sleep. Which I am not getting. Like, I got 4 1/2 - 5 hours of sleep last night. Not cool or healthy. So I'm trying to go to bed earlier on days I don't work but this becomes a problem because my roommates stay up past midnight usually. Funny, because when I come home from the library to my dorm after I close they are in bed with all the lights off. (Which is funny because my roommate just asked me to leave the light on for her if I go to bed before she does.) Interesting.

Yeah whatever. I can't wait till next year when I can pick my roommates (actually that's a really dramatic thing but I'm not going to talk about that right now). To be honest I don't mind that I'm at the library so much because a lot of my friends hang out there, and I get to see people come and go.

Random fact: my friends (especially guys) like to make jokes about me shushing people in the library. It's getting quite old, and in fact I would like to smack one of them the next time they shush me at my circulation desk.

Here's to a New Semester

It's hard to believe that I'm already in my second semester at college. It feel like just yesterday I moved in on that ridiculously hot August day, and started down the road of academia. Now in my second semester, I have just finished my first week of classes, and praise the Lord it is Friday.

The first class I went to this semester was CCC (Created and Called for Community). Since I attend a Christian college, all the first-years have to take two classes related to the college's expectations and beliefs. Having took my First Year Seminar class in the fall, the next to follow is CCC. I could tell from the first day that it was going to be my least favorite class, it is full of ridiculous, unnecessary writing assignments that are going to take up a lot of my time, which I determined, is probably more than all my other classes put together. I cannot wait until I'm not a first-year anymore - the orientation stuff is getting really old and boring.

Besides CCC, I think that my other classes are going to go very well, and I'm looking forward to learning alot of stuff in my programming and web development classes. I really love to learn, just it needs to be focused on something of importance, not ill-patterned introductory first-year classes that have absolutely no significance and require too many stupid writing assignments.

Book 1/50 By Darkness Hid

I did not make New Year's resolutions this year, however I decided to set a reading goal of 50 books for the year last week. I didn't read as much as I would have liked this past year, and I want to get back into reading again. I love to read, I was just so busy with work and school.

So far, I have read one book - a good start I suppose, but if I'm going to keep my goal I need to read 5 books a month. We'll see how this goes when J-term break ends. I had downloaded the first book in a series called The Blood of Kings, By Darkness Hid some time last year, but never got around to reading it, so that became my first project. I have to say, I thoroughly enjoyed the first installment in this series, and I can't wait to read the next one.

Alas, Marketing is Over

Today is the second to last day of my J-term Marketing Class and I've never been ready to be done with a course in my life. Something about studying only one subject for an entire month at a rate of three hours a day is extremely energy-draining no matter what the subject is. With the final looming ahead tomorrow I should probably be studying, but hey, I'm working at the desk where I'm going to get interrupted anyway, so might as well share my thoughts on marketing.

I'm really glad I chose to take this class - I found it increasingly interesting as the term went on and was surprised at the things I learned about marketing that I did not know before. Being extremely non-exposed to how businesses work at all, I viewed marketing as advertising, or merely the selling of a product, which I typically looked down upon due to the annoying presence of sales people and telemarketing. (Not to mention the banner ads on websites) Marking is about satisfying customer wants and needs, not trying to sell a product, its about creating a relationship with people. My professor also showed a large interest for internet technology, which, being a computer science major, is right up my alley.

I learned the most in the area of marketing ethics. I realized I had unconsciously categorized marketing as an evil subject, something that God would not look upon with favor. I soon came to realize that marketing done with morals in mind and with a truthful mindset is a very successful career. While I have no intention of changing my major to marketing or entering that field in the job, I have a higher respect for marketers in general after learning what exactly marketing is. That being said, I did really enjoy marketing, but enough is enough.