I Choose You! Choosing Your Friendships for Life

Friendships define us, and they help us discover who we are, and our purpose in life. I am the kind of person that likes to make friendships for life, a lot of the friends I have now at college I hope to be friends with long term, and I invest more time in my college friends due to distance and the amount of time we spend together.When I started college, I came in with the mindset that I needed to be friends with everyone, and that I needed to be friends with anyone. Coming from a home-schooled household, I was not used to being around a lot of people, and did not realize that I do not need to and should not attempt to befriend everyone. I have come to realize this now. The fact is, that you need to choose your friends because they will influence you for life, either positively or negatively. I have learned that I cannot be friends with just anyone.

Unfortunately this is the case. Not everyone likes everyone.

I have encountered a person, (I am referring to as K) that I choose not to encounter, but run in to a lot because they are on campus for the summer, that I do not want to be friends with anymore. After some drama spring semester and in May when K confronted me and told me that he knew that I didn't like him, (asking why I didn't) I have sought to avoid this person, and began to notice a lot of things about him that I did not like and found ways in which K annoyed me constantly. So much so, that I began to obsess over him, constantly thinking about him and why he annoyed me. I felt the need to excuse myself all the time for not liking K, thinking that I didn't "not like" him for the right reasons, such as looks, manners, etc. I now avoid him, because the more I am around him the more I think about him, and I need to move on from this situation, because he does NOT control my life, and I am letting K do that.

No one is the boss of me      expect God

I talked with my mom about this situation on Thursday of last week. She made me realize that I do have to choose my friends and that I had misplaced K in my "friends spectrum". She drew on the back of her napkin a little dot, which was me, and then drew rings around me. "This ring," (referring to the one closest to me), "is your close friends, this outer ring is your other friends, and this largest outer ring is your acquaintances. When you found out K liked you, you tried thinking about him in this circle", (pointing to the one closest to me), when in reality he is in your acquaintance circle. You need to put him back out here", she said, pointing to the outermost circle.

What I want to say to K, but instead I'm passive aggressive about it

I quickly realized that she was right, and I needed to put K in perspective. I came to see from this experience that I wasn't careful in building friendships, and as a result, had put myself into a difficult and extremely annoying situation. Last semester I thought I needed to try to make new friends outside of the ones I had, and failed to understand that I should value the relationship that I already had. I neglected the relationships that really mattered the most to me, and tried to form closer relationships with people I realize now were not making me a better person. I did not feel edified from being in their company, they did not make me understand myself or help me become a better person. And I knew that I didn't "click" with them, there was no initial attraction or desire to personally be their friends.

Like, I've found myself quite bored with them, frankly

It was after spring semester that I realized that it is necessary to a certain degree, that you choose your friends. You need friends who are going to make you a better person and help you in your walk with the Lord. Your friends should be encouraging your to do the right thing, and to glorify God in your life, and you should, to a certain degree, be able to set good examples for eachother and help eachother to make good choices.

"Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals."" - 1 Corinthians 15:33

 "Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man" - Proverbs 22:24

"Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another."  - Proverbs 27:17

Aside from the Christian standpoint, Forbes actually published an article on reasons why you should choose your friends, and I thought that they were good guidelines. They are as follows:

1. Strong willed friends can help you increase your self-control
2. Having fewer friends increases the likelihood that you will take financial risks. (studies show that people that don't get adequate social interaction tend to unnecessarily spend money)
3. Too many connections on social media can increase your stress level
4. Close friends may be the secret to long life (personally I thought this one was a little silly, but apparently studies show that people with really good close friends live longer)
5. Friends greatly influence your choices

(If you want to read the full article click here)

Basically, your friendships and relationships with people matter a lot. So we should take precautions and be aware of who we are spending most of our time with, and who we confide in the most.

Have an awesome day! And appreciate your good friends.

God Made Me Special

Since starting college, I have grown greatly in my understanding of self confidence, and have come to understand that it is important to maintain a healthy sense of self pride and confidence, and that I am not created to be critical of myself constantly. I still have a huge problem with this. I become obsessed with what others think of me, and I believe that I look awkward and weird to others, so I am constantly preoccupied with what other people see when they look at me and what conclusions they come to about me when I spend time with them. It takes me a long time to trust people, and when I am in a group of new people or people I do not know very well, I am extremely nervous and do not know how to react.

I'm terrible at public speaking

Perhaps this is something that everyone struggles with, but I feel like I have more of a problem with this than others. I always feel sort of trapped because I do not think that my physical appearance is up to par and I am constantly measuring myself and comparing myself to others. I have a severe problem with acne, probably because I touch my face too much, with rock-bottoms any self esteem I might have, especially around others. I feel that I can never look pretty because of my skin problems and the fact that I'm slightly overweight and really short. I do realize that if I didn't have this skin problem I'd probably find something else to complain about, but it's hard to face myself in the mirror sometimes, and I never feel good looking or confident about my appearance.

I've never had a boyfriend, I seem to attract the kind of guy that I'm not attracted to, so I always end up getting disappointed or hurt or wondering if maybe I'm wrong for not liking the guy that likes me. I wonder if maybe my standards are too high, because I am not that great of a person to begin with. What if I am expecting to be with someone who is actually above me in looks and personality? What if I am no better than these people who like me that I don't find attractive and that is my problem? Am I actually too proud, or just stupid. Who knows.

I know that God has a plan for me, and I can do things. But I fight this. I made the Dean's List this past year and had all A's and one B this past semester, making my GPA about a 3.8 out of 4.0 overall. But I felt guilty about it, saying that I just had easy classes, and that was the reason why my grades were good. While my classes might have been easy, that does not mean that I didn't earn what I got. I immediately discredit myself when I accomplish something, excusing it away by some ridiculous circumstance. Why do I do this? Isn't God glorified when I do well and when I use the abilities he gave me? This is a daily struggle I deal with and one that I am afraid I will never conquer in my lifetime.

Me whenever I try to do something and look smart

I'm deadly afraid of social interaction with people I'm nervous around. I avoid I guy that I know likes me, even though I have already told him that I do not feel that way. I know that they worst that can happen is that I will tell him I don't like him, again, but I still feel the need to avoid him in every way possible. I stress out about being in a situation alone with a guy friend, or a person that I do not know well, because I don't know what to say. I'm afraid of interaction with the opposite sex, I can't just relax and be friends because I'm afraid of coming off as flirty.

I never know what to say, and what I do say sounds dumb

I hate myself but at the same time love myself for my interests. For the longest time I hid from people that I liked Korean music, K-drama, and anime, because I thought they would judge me for it, or think that I was someone who has some sort of fetish for Asians. Only recently have I been able to tell people my interests without waiting for judgement that usually doesn't come. But I love that I like these things. The fact that I like a variety of eccentric interests is what makes me me. But I was afraid of letting people see that side of me and hid, and prevented myself from potentially making friends because I seemed to have no personality.

I have no idea where this is from but it's cute

I've been turned off to being a nerd recently because I don't want to be labeled as someone who has problems with social interaction. Even though I've been told that I don't have said problems, I still feel that I do, and in that, I'm not trusting my friends, and my mother. I felt hurt that people wanted me to be with a guy that I felt had very poor social skills, and is very much a nerd, (also in my major) and I wondered if I was the same (level) as him. I thought this even though I was told the opposite. Why was I so afraid of this? Because this is something I am always insecure about. I've been told by others that I am fun to be around, I look like someone anyone could talk to, and seem mature. But I refuse to believe this, and continue to judge myself and others, wrongly.

I am who I am. God made me to be this person with these interests, worldviews, and friends. He gave me my love for reading, k-pop, and Doctor Who, but he also gave me His love, His Word, and the love of my mother and my friends. He gave me a passion and an interest in different cultures and getting to know the international students here on my college campus, and he gave me a love for technology, and the skills. This is who God made me to be, and it is my duty to accept who I am, and accept others and glorify God by loving them. Each person is different, and I found myself relying too much on stereotypes instead of seeing people and myself as individuals. Who cares if the people in my computer science major have a reputation and the stereotype of being bad at social interaction. I KNOW deep down I do not, because I have been told so by many people who love me and would not lie to me. So I can go forth, with courage, to become the person God plans for me to be.

"Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised." 
(Hebrews 10:35-36 - ESV)

After this long post, I have decided that my only fault is my addiction to coffee

Say Geronimo

I am quite nearly 1/4 of the way through college. I realized this while talking to a friend yesterday about when we were leaving campus (nor not leaving campus in my case) after our final exams. Yes, finals week is upon me and the last two weeks have been nothing but stress and drama. Upon coming to college, I assumed that the general population would be significantly more mature than my youth group friends but upon approaching spring semester, I soon realized that is not true. Evidently my expectations for my peers were way too high.

Presumptuous or not of me, I have been a little surprised at the reaction of people older than myself to relationship problems and have been shocked at the lack of discretion some people seem to have. Currently, I am going through a little bit of heartbreak due to a situation with a guy, and apparently a friend has spread the word like wildfire, with intentions still unknown. This surprised me because I am not used to having to explain that something like a relationship problem is best left quiet. I have always assumed that this is common curtesy. How wrong I was, and it has led to a number of rant sessions and tears on my part as a result.

After going through a period of struggling with going back to secluding myself from my friends because of the guy situation, I soon realized that I was letting everyone control me. I am my own person, I am not defined by my quietness or my heartbreak. Letting people speak for me is ending this year. Basically, I'm done. I'm jumping off the high end of my college career and being me for once in my life. I realized that I am free to have the friends I want, dress the way I want, and I am free to like whomever I want. So say "Geronimo", because I have passed the point of essentially, caring. (The song by Sheppard has been my anthem this week). I'm done caring about what others think, God has called me to be myself.

Why I Think I Have No Friends

Walking into the dining hall alone is perhaps the scariest thing ever. I walk in, and look around for someone I know and half the time I can't find anyone. The people that I would like to hang out with never eat at the same time as me and so often I end up sitting by myself - also partly to the fact that my roommate ignores me. So therefore I have come to the conclusion that I must have no friends.

Whether or not this is true has no validity at the moment since I have already determined that I have no friends since no one I know is in the dining hall when I need to eat. There have been times when I make plans with someone and then it doesn't work out - which has also led me to believe that I have no friends.

I soon realized as I processed this way of thinking, that I based my friendships on whether or not my "friends" were in the dining hall when I wanted to eat. How dare you skip a meal and leave me here alone. As if I am the most important person in the world and if you don't eat with you are not my friend.

Obviously this thinking is wrong and I have friends. As a matter of fact I just ate dinner with one.

I Accompany Someone for the First Time

So my friend asked me to accompany him for his hymn project in his theory class (which I withdrew from because it was above my experience level and blah blah blah) and I said yes, thinking that it would enable me to get over my fear of performing in front of people and therefore I would gain more experience. 

Ok maybe a valid point but I had less than 12 hours to learn the music I had to play....hymn in CM no biggie, and I learned it in 2 and 1/2 hours of straight practice (I even skipped my oral communication class).

As you can imagine, it comes time to play and I freak out and mess up and now I feel pretty lame and I hope my friend didn't get a bad grade on his project due to my uncalm nerves. In short, I just feel pretty terrible but at least I didn't stop half way through the song?

Stereotype Fun: A Rant of K-pop Gifs

So stereotypes are everywhere. Here are a couple:

To the people who think I can't play instruments because I'm not a music major:

To the people who think homeschoolers have social problems:

To the people who think computer science is all about using MS Word:

To the people who think Oxford is in the US:

The Oncoming Storm

          I sit here on a cement block, but the world around me is far from industrial. Surrounded in green, the grass blows quietly in the breeze on an oncoming storm. The air is heavy, yet cool, attempting to relax my body to a sort of sleep as I write. My body sighs as I look around, gray and blue are relaxation colors. Small drops of mist fall from a gray cotton sky, comforting but at the same time somewhat ominous, like there is something behind the innocent drops. Rain is coming, approaching from the distance, and tension is building, but the world is quiet, enveloped in a sort of intense calm. Everyone is waiting in silence, listening, for the storm to come and pass.
          I love the short time before a storm, the atmosphere is relaxing to me and seems to fend away my stress. This is curious, considering the sky is building up to a storm, waiting to be led out. Occasionally I think the clouds predict my feelings, often the sky opens up when I’m feeling my worst. I become the conductor of water bound in wind, and my attitude becomes the rain. I feel a stronger connection to rain than I do to sunshine, life is not always bright and vibrant, but can be dark and seemingly colorless. Rain is always constant, and so the feeling of rain is more relatable to me.
          Waiting for a rainstorm is like waiting to cry. As the world is covered in gray, you anticipate the tears, but fight them, not wanting to admit that side of yourself. But when they come, you sigh, experiencing exponential relief, and the sky is released from its waiting. Perhaps this is why we love rain when we are sad, and why we feel we control rain. It is nearly a substitute for tears, we sometimes feel better after seeing rain, because the water from the sky brings a sort of freshness that gives us hope. It is almost as if the Earth cries for you, as if it feels your pain and wants to sooth it.
           The smell of rain is ten times stronger now, the mist is heavier - the rain storm is coming any moment. The world waits with one feeling, the anticipation of the rainstorm. The atmosphere is a blurred painting made up of blue and gray, and the mist makes the Earth look seemingly like an impressionists painting. It makes me wonder what the view is like from a tree top. Would it appear more abstract? I hurry up and pack up my books and pencil, not wanting my things to get wet. I sniff as I stand up - the smell of rain is almost as breathtaking as the smell of an old book. Deep breaths to take in the smell before I leave. Rain is beautiful, I think, and I would stay in it forever if I could.

Liebster Award

 

Thanks for the Liebster Award nomination, Ely! So the rules:

• 
  
• thank and link back to the one who tagged you
• list 11 facts about yourself
• answer the eleven questions asked by the blogger who nominated you
• nominate 11 other bloggers who have less than 200 followers (no tag-backsies)
• ask them 11 questions

11 Facts:

1. I'm the oldest of 6 
2. I love Shakespeare (Much Ado About Nothing is my favorite)
3. My favorite Singer/Songwriter is currently Jason Chen -->
4. I usually can't stand abstract art
5. Rap is evil
6. I'm an introvert but I loved NYC
7. I could live on Yakisoba and Pocky
8. My college dorm supplies are all the same two colors, blue and purple (even the mac)
9. I wish I wore glasses so people would believe I'm a nerd
10. I stopped liking soda when I turned 17 or 18
11. I'm allergic to milk (so no Starbucks frappaccinos ;( )

11 Questions from Ely:

1. do you think owls are over-rated or do you think they're cute?
Owls are fantastic, are you kidding me

2. Sunflowers or roses?
Roses

3. Do you wear your watch on your right wrist or your left?
I don't wear a watch, but when I do, it's on my left

4. Do you make friends easier with guys or girls?
Guys...I don't know why...

5. Do you like watching movies at the theatre or at home on your couch better?
Depends. If its a Doctor Who thing, I want to see it in the theater. But mostly at home is better.


6. Middle name?
Elizabeth

7. Are you a fan of impromptu dance parties?
Depends on the situation. I can't dance.

8. What color are your bedsheets?
Pink...

9. pen or pencil?
Pencils FTW Pens are evil

10. favourite band/artist?
Celtic Thunder's my favorite band, and my favorite songwriter is Jason Chen ^



11. Which do you like better--Snoopy or Linus from Charlie Brown?
Linus, I think, because he plays the piano

Alright, there you have it! Unfortunately I don't know a lot of other bloggers, so I'm not tagging anyone :(

A Geek's Bedroom

I think that you can tell alot about a person from thier bedroom. I was looking around my room the other day and realized how dorky I am. I took pictures.

So here is where I keep my drawing stuff and some of my books. If you look carefully on the top shelf on the far left, you can see half of my 1930 Complete Works of Shakespeare. I got it at the library book sale a couple weeks ago. The bottom two shelves are art stuff and such, I organize my artwork by date. (See the binders that say Artwork I and II) I also keep journals and half written books on this shelf. (I have a lot of those.)

This is beside my headboard. This pictures pretty much speaks for itself. I have a Merlin calendar hanging there. Top left (left to right) of the calendar is an Irish postcard, then a small picture of Celtic Thunder, then a postcard from Brotherband Chronicles Book. I have a Starry Night print hanging to the left of the calendar and directly below it is a picture of the 10th Doctor and Allons-y in Gallifreyan that I drew. Below that is the box my Tardis came in. On the shelf is my Harry Potter 8 in 1 disc set and the first two seasons of Merlin as well as a Celtic Thunder DVD and some other stuff. Also, I don't know if you can see this very well, but sitting on the shelf at the base of the DVD's is a homemade Harry Potter wand.

On the bottom shelves I keep my tech stuff and usually it also contains like 10 manga books from the library.

 My headboard. From right to left on the top shelf: the green box is a clay box I made in class and carved and painted. The Tardis. Then a box I made at a pottery place.

Second Shelf: Harry Potter books, then Beautiful Chaos (a Doctor Who book) and then the whole Rangers Apprentice Series (I'm missing two-a bit short of funds at the moment) and misc books.




Well there you have it. My geeky bedroom. You're welcome.