I Choose You! Choosing Your Friendships for Life

Friendships define us, and they help us discover who we are, and our purpose in life. I am the kind of person that likes to make friendships for life, a lot of the friends I have now at college I hope to be friends with long term, and I invest more time in my college friends due to distance and the amount of time we spend together.When I started college, I came in with the mindset that I needed to be friends with everyone, and that I needed to be friends with anyone. Coming from a home-schooled household, I was not used to being around a lot of people, and did not realize that I do not need to and should not attempt to befriend everyone. I have come to realize this now. The fact is, that you need to choose your friends because they will influence you for life, either positively or negatively. I have learned that I cannot be friends with just anyone.

Unfortunately this is the case. Not everyone likes everyone.

I have encountered a person, (I am referring to as K) that I choose not to encounter, but run in to a lot because they are on campus for the summer, that I do not want to be friends with anymore. After some drama spring semester and in May when K confronted me and told me that he knew that I didn't like him, (asking why I didn't) I have sought to avoid this person, and began to notice a lot of things about him that I did not like and found ways in which K annoyed me constantly. So much so, that I began to obsess over him, constantly thinking about him and why he annoyed me. I felt the need to excuse myself all the time for not liking K, thinking that I didn't "not like" him for the right reasons, such as looks, manners, etc. I now avoid him, because the more I am around him the more I think about him, and I need to move on from this situation, because he does NOT control my life, and I am letting K do that.

No one is the boss of me      expect God

I talked with my mom about this situation on Thursday of last week. She made me realize that I do have to choose my friends and that I had misplaced K in my "friends spectrum". She drew on the back of her napkin a little dot, which was me, and then drew rings around me. "This ring," (referring to the one closest to me), "is your close friends, this outer ring is your other friends, and this largest outer ring is your acquaintances. When you found out K liked you, you tried thinking about him in this circle", (pointing to the one closest to me), when in reality he is in your acquaintance circle. You need to put him back out here", she said, pointing to the outermost circle.

What I want to say to K, but instead I'm passive aggressive about it

I quickly realized that she was right, and I needed to put K in perspective. I came to see from this experience that I wasn't careful in building friendships, and as a result, had put myself into a difficult and extremely annoying situation. Last semester I thought I needed to try to make new friends outside of the ones I had, and failed to understand that I should value the relationship that I already had. I neglected the relationships that really mattered the most to me, and tried to form closer relationships with people I realize now were not making me a better person. I did not feel edified from being in their company, they did not make me understand myself or help me become a better person. And I knew that I didn't "click" with them, there was no initial attraction or desire to personally be their friends.

Like, I've found myself quite bored with them, frankly

It was after spring semester that I realized that it is necessary to a certain degree, that you choose your friends. You need friends who are going to make you a better person and help you in your walk with the Lord. Your friends should be encouraging your to do the right thing, and to glorify God in your life, and you should, to a certain degree, be able to set good examples for eachother and help eachother to make good choices.

"Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals."" - 1 Corinthians 15:33

 "Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man" - Proverbs 22:24

"Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another."  - Proverbs 27:17

Aside from the Christian standpoint, Forbes actually published an article on reasons why you should choose your friends, and I thought that they were good guidelines. They are as follows:

1. Strong willed friends can help you increase your self-control
2. Having fewer friends increases the likelihood that you will take financial risks. (studies show that people that don't get adequate social interaction tend to unnecessarily spend money)
3. Too many connections on social media can increase your stress level
4. Close friends may be the secret to long life (personally I thought this one was a little silly, but apparently studies show that people with really good close friends live longer)
5. Friends greatly influence your choices

(If you want to read the full article click here)

Basically, your friendships and relationships with people matter a lot. So we should take precautions and be aware of who we are spending most of our time with, and who we confide in the most.

Have an awesome day! And appreciate your good friends.