Self Confidence, or the Lack Of

So, hello, I am no longer a music major. I am officially a Computer and Information science major. It's funny that I'm in the mathematical sciences department and I absolutely hate math. I suppose I should explain this random extreme change in degree choices. So here goes.

It was that one class. 

So all the music majors have to take a class called "Keyboarding" which is preparation for the Piano proficiency test that all music majors have to pass. Me, being a piano major, was put in the Advanced Keyboarding Class. Advanced? Joke of the semester.

I do not know scales, or key signatures. Or the circle of 5th's. Or intervals. Everyone else in that class did. Here's the catch - I was going to have to learn all of them by the end of the month so I could pass the exam. Needless to say, I was freaking out. How does one do that anyway - I had never really taken theory and my old piano teacher never taught me scales. It was beginning to really stress me out. I was going to have to play in juries, and one of my voice classes required a solo. It was entirely too much pressure, especially for a first-year in college and someone who had never been in a classroom setting.

That aside, I was only a B.A in music, not education or performance. Job? No.

That class planted the seed of doubt in myself I had had been playing with for a while. I listened to all the other piano majors practicing - they even messed up pretty (if at all...while practicing). 

So, after a lot of tears (and I mean a lot, and in front of my advisor), I changed my major to CIS and I'm now minoring in music. I think I made the right decision, but I failed to note some things about my self that were very important - I had completely no self-confidence.

1. I was the only first-year piano major

Those piano majors in the practice rooms? All upperclassmen. So I was comparing myself to upperclassmen. Yeah, probably shouldn't have done that.

2. I DID pass the audition.

Yeah, what happened to that? In a teary conversation with my advisor, she told me that I had auditioned very well and she thought I had a lot of talent. She told me I didn't give myself enough credit.

3. Just because I'm a CIS major doesn't mean I can't pursue piano.

Contrary to popular belief, you DO NOT have to major in what you love the most. Sure, I actually really love technology, but I also really love piano. (they wouldn't let me double major.) Also, my piano teacher/advisor told me she still considers me a piano major, and is going to have me learn all the same things the piano majors are learning. So, basically, piano major with out the degree certificate. 

So basically, I lacked self-confidence, and I got scared. I started to switch my major for the wrong reasons. However, now I feel like I made the right decision in the long run for my future - now I can pursue music without all the pressure.

So anyways, I guess the point of this post was have self-confidence?

My next post will be on K-Pop...